Weeks leading up to Ava's birth Dan would ask me, "Are you ready to do this?" I'm not sure how a first-time mom is ever "ready" for the unknown amount of pain and discomfort she's about to go through, but I felt ready. Honestly, I felt like I was about to go skydiving -- which I've done before. I felt like I was in the airplane and the only way out was to jump. I knew I was going to do it and I knew I'd be fine, so I just wanted to "jump" and experience it already.
To help mentally prepare myself for giving birth I did a lot of reading and asked other moms about their experience(s). Moms, you know Hollywood doesn't paint an honest picture of what child birth is like -- I now know from experience. I'm a planner and, in many cases, I like knowing what to expect. So hearing the icky and sometimes scary details about giving birth actually helped me. Why? Because all those moms lived to tell their stories and many of them still chose to have more babies.
Now it is time for me to pay-it-forward, so to speak, and share my story. This blog post will certainly get a bit personal and graphic at times, so only proceed if you're okay with that. I sincerely hope that this post helps expecting moms and women who plan on having children in the future. Sure, every story is different because every
body is different, but I know my story is real -- something you can't get out of watching Hollywood movies and television shows.
When I reached Ava's due date (December 12, 2013) and she still wasn't remotely close to making her grand appearance, my doctor scheduled to have me induced at 8:00 p.m. on Monday, December 16th. She didn't want me going past 41 weeks (for health and safety reasons), but she also had surgery scheduled later in the week. Therefore, we decided to get a jump start to increase the odds that my doctor would be available to deliver Ava.
Being scheduled to be induced is somewhat a relaxing thought. My mind was at ease because it didn't matter if Ava decided to come early... now there was an actual finish line in sight! However, I did hear a lot of stories that being induced can make labor much more difficult -- especially if
Pitocin is involved. Still, I liked having an official finish line in sight.
At first I was going to go to work as usual on Monday. My original thought was to go in and be distracted all day. Dan helped me change my mind and we both agreed we'd be better off taking the day off to rest and relax. YES, it was a great idea.
Monday evening came after a quick weekend. Dan's parents came down from Wisconsin to show their support. Dan's father was scheduled to fly out of Milwaukee for a business trip Tuesday afternoon, so he purchased a one-way ticket from Chicago to Milwaukee just so he could come down and support us -- and hopefully meet his granddaughter before his flight. This beautiful gesture made Dan and I feel so loved.
That evening the four of us went to dinner at
Gordon Biersch. I wasn't about to fill my gut with tons of food and get uncomfortable, but I did enjoy soup, salad, and
lots of water. Once dinner was over it was time to stop by the house, let Jetta outside for a quick potty break, and then head over to Silver Cross Hospital.
Dan and I checked in just before 8:00 p.m. and I quickly got settled in my room. My first nurse came in and she asked me lots of questions. The questions ranged from basic and simple to icky and personal. Regardless of what she was asking I remained open and honest -- things were about to get really personal, so there was no urge to withhold information.
After she asked me all the questions on her list, she strapped two large belts around my belly. One was to measure my contractions and the other was to monitor Ava's heart rate. The last thing on the nurse's "to do" list was insert my IV. Piece of cake, right? While I was a little nervous about having my very first IV, I've been poked with all sorts of needles before, so I thought this would be a walk in the park.
Everything was going great and the nurse successfully inserted the IV into my right wrist. As she finished taping my IV, so it would stay in place, I suddenly felt very dizzy and light-headed.
"I don't feel so good," I quietly announced.
From that moment my blood pressure dropped dramatically and I felt like I was going to pass out, vomit and/or go to the bathroom. The nurse quickly got an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth and told me to breathe. She then sent another nurse to get some
ammonium carbonate -- normally my nurse would've had some available around her neck, but she didn't have any on her. The oxygen mask was more for Ava then it was for me. I laid there in bed, holding Dan's hand, trying my best to not actually pass out.
Thankfully, I never actually passed out. This random and unusual behavior lasted about five minutes. As my vitals slowly returned to normal I couldn't help but wonder what just happened. It's not like I was scared or anything.
Just as I was feeling like my normal self, chatting and smiling, the other nurse came back with the ammonium carbonate and shoved it under my nose.
WHOA NELLY!! That stuff is awful. Yep, now I was wide awake and I felt the urge to snap, "Geez... I'm awake! You didn't have to do that..." but I didn't.
Once my vitals were stable, our family had permission to come into the room and I was given my first does of
Misoprostol (Cytotec) -- a pill that was cut in half. I was permitted to take this half pill every 4-6 hours and no more then three doses. This pill is supposed to help soften my cervix.
The first couple of hours were spent watching football. I was having contractions but they were very weak -- at least I thought so. I was quite comfortable so I enjoyed the football game with my family.
I had permission to drink liquids and broth, so I drank lots of water and cranberry juice. I also had an IV giving me fluids, so when I had to go to the bathroom I
really had to go. Going to the bathroom when you're in labor isn't super easy. I had to call a nurse every time so she could unhook all my cords and I had to roll my IV into the bathroom with me.
At about 11:00 p.m. our parents decided to head home for the night so Dan and I could attempt to get some rest. After they left Dan put in Jim Carrey's version of
How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Dan fell asleep quite quickly and I followed shortly after.
At 1:30 a.m. I was woken up by my new nurse. It was time to check my cervix. My contractions were becoming more obvious, so I felt ready to hear some good news. The update? She felt a "dimple". A dimple? With a heavy sigh I took my next pill and went back to sleep.
At about 4:45 a.m. I woke up to sharp and intense contractions. When I first felt contractions they were in my upper abs, now they were in my lower abs and further down. I watched the monitor as the contractions moved up and down on the scale. They were coming every 1-2 minutes. Some were getting quite painful and I focused really hard on keeping my body relaxed and not tensing up. It was getting hard! The contractions were so close together I didn't feel like I had much time to recover.
At about 5:00 a.m. Dan woke up to my deep breathing, as I tried to take each contraction without resistance. He quickly came over and held my hand. Together we watched the monitor as my contractions continued to climb up and down. During each contraction I let everything below my waist go limp -- I didn't permit myself to move a muscle, for fear I'd tense up and slow down any progress.
"I don't know if I can do this without an epidural," I quietly confessed. "I have no idea where I'm at, so if I have a long way to go I'll probably need an epidural so I don't tense up."
At 5:15 I called in my nurse because I really had to use the bathroom -- my IV, water, and cranberry juice were really adding up. After my much-needed potty break, the nurse decided to check my status a little early -- my next 1/2 pill could be taken at 5:30.
"You're at two, maybe three centimeters," she announced with a smile.
I smiled and let out a huge sigh of relief. Finally! Progress! It wasn't much but I was very happy to hear it. My nurse took this news and called my doctor to give her a status update.
More good news quickly followed. Since I was making excellent progress, I didn't need to take any more pills. The good news continued when I found out that since my contractions were coming nice and strong (and quite close together), I no longer had to take
Pitocin. I've heard that Pitocin can really amplify contractions, and since my contractions were already pretty intense, I was happy nothing was going to make them worse.
"Okay, it's time to start talking pain medication," my nurse announced as she entered my room and stood at the foot of my bed. "How are you pain levels?"
Since I entered the hospital I had to rate my pain on a scale from 0-10. 0 being no pain, while 10 was equivalent to my arm being cut off with no anesthesia. When I first checked in I was an obvious 0 -- absolutely no pain. I tried my best to remain realistic and gave myself a current 5-6 pain rating. I could deal with the pain if I had to, but it was quite consistent and I felt that without more relief it would soon become extremely difficult to bear without tensing up.
I had two choices for pain relief: medicine in my IV or an epidural.
"Which is more likely to slow down the process?" I asked.
"The IV," she quickly answered.
"I'll take the epidural," I said with a smile.
"Do you want it now?" my nurse asked.
Now? I was a little surprised to find out that I could have an epidural during, what felt like, the early stages of labor. Sure I was in pain, but I was certainly willing to put up with it until the timing was right.
"I want it when my doctor says I'm at a good point to have it," I calmly replied.
Again, I didn't want to hinder any progress. I know that getting an epidural can slow down progress, so I wanted to wait until I was in the right stage to increase the odds that I will still progress at a timely matter.
After another quick phone call to speak with my doctor, my nurse came in an announced that I could have the epidural whenever I'm ready.
"Seriously?" I laughed. I let out another sigh of relief.
"It usually takes about 30 minutes for the anesthesiologist to get up here," the nurse informed me. "Should I put in a request?"
"Yes!" I said with a very happy smile and a little chuckle. "Let's do this."
In about 15-20 minutes an anesthesiologist had arrived in my room -- he was a sight for sore eyes. Unfortunately, Dan had to leave the room for "sanitary" reasons, so I was left with my nurse and the anesthesiologist.
As the anesthesiologist prepped for my epidural, my contractions were still coming every 1-2 minutes -- sometimes even overlapping. I knew I was going to have to remain calm and very still while everything was put in place... and these contraction were not going to make it easy.
I sat on the edge of my bed so my feet dangled off the side. My nurse came and stood in front on me and I placed my arms on her shoulders. I arched my back and made a c-curve in my spin. Again, I let my body relax and almost limp as I took deep breaths and tried to remain calm. Next, I felt the anesthesiologist poke my back with a tiny needle. I was pleasantly surprised that this did not hurt nearly as bad as I was expecting -- or my anesthesiologist was just that good. My contractions came and went during the entire process. I took deep breaths and my nurse coached me through each contraction.
"Is my body still okay? Am I okay?" I kept asking the anesthesiologist.
"You're perfect," he replied. "Keep it up, you're doing great."
I felt encouraged by both my nurse and anesthesiologist throughout the entire process.
Suddenly, as I was pre-warned, I felt a rush of cold liquid run down my spin. Relief was on it's way!
Once everything was in place, I laid back down and they lowered my bed. By the time Dan came back in I was already starting to feel some immediate relief. Most of my numbness was on my left side, so they propped me up on my left side to help the medicine flow to my right side and balance me out.
This is what surprised me the most about my epidural... I could still feel the lower part of my legs and I could even move my feet. I was expecting to feel paralyzed from the waist down. Instead, I felt like my legs had fallen asleep.
As the sun came up Dan started making phones calls to our parents with an update. I still had a ways to go, but I was finally making progress.
Once the epidural really kicked in and was relieving pain all over my body, I was able to relax. Since I was feeling pretty good, and confined to my bed, Dan put in
Christmas Vacation.
Later, Dan's parents showed up and brought him some McDonald's for breakfast. My eating and drinking moments were really past me, now that I had an epidural. Still, I was okay with Dan eating in front of me. I think I was too focused on delivering a baby to really care about food.
Shortly after Dan's parents arrived, my parents joined us. For the next couple of hours we watched more Christmas movies and relaxed. It was a pretty easy-going morning, aside from nurses coming in to check on my vitals and my progress.
The medical staff can see my monitors from the nurses' station. So when Ava's heart rate started dropping when I had contractions, someone came in right away to check on us. They were uncertain if Ava had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck or if she was just leaning on it with her elbow, but either way, my contractions were effecting her.
Uncertain about Ava's position and how it was directly effecting her heartbeat, the nurse staff started flipping me "like a pancake" to try and help Ava during contractions. Thankfully, this seem to help, but Ava's heartbeat kept disappearing and reappearing on the monitor -- this is typical with an external heart rate monitor.
Well into the morning, a couple of nurses came into my room at once. One nurse sat on my bed and said that she was going to break my water. With a shrug of my shoulder and a brief "sure", I consented. Once my water was broke I briefly felt a rush of warm water and blood flood the lower part of my bed -- yes, some blood is perfectly normal. My dirty blankets were quickly replaced with fresh, clean ones.
Once my water was broke and my bed was cleaned up, the nurse who broke my water also checked my progress. I was now at five centimeters!
"Oh, I think your baby has some hair," she also announced.
"Wait, what?" I replied with a slight smirk. "You can feel her?"
"Oh yeah, I can totally feel her," she smiled back.
This news was weird, but awesome at the same time. Knowing she could feel my baby's head and tell me she thinks Ava has hair was weird. However, knowing Ava was that much closer (so close that someone could actually
feel her) made me beam with even more excitement.
My moment of bliss quickly ended when the nurses noted that Ava's heart rate was still struggling when I had contractions. Since the medical staff wanted to keep a closer eye on her heart rate they suggested placing a electronic transducer (an internal heart rate monitor that will connect directly to Ava's scalp) to get a more direct reading. I knew exactly what a electronic transducer was and the thought of having a little piece of metal placed in her tiny head made me sad.
"Can we please wait a little longer?" I asked with sad eyes. "I really don't want to do this unless we have to." After a little friendly chit chat on the matter they agreed to wait.
Not much time passed and my nurse was on the phone with my doctor.
"She'd like to speak with you," my nurse announced as she handed me the phone.
My doctor really wanted the nurses to be able to keep a close eye on Ava's heart rate, so she felt that the electronic transducer was a good and safe call. While she understood that the tiny piece of metal in Ava's head would make me uncomfortable, it really was for the health and well-being of my baby. With a heavy sigh I gave consent. I really just want whatever is best for our little girl.
Later, a nurse came in with the electronic transducer to place inside me and into Ava's head.
"Maybe she'll surprise us and be at eight centimeters and you won't have to have this in very long," the nurse teased.
As the nurse worked on me, she also checked my progress.
"Oh wow!" she exclaimed with a smile. "You are! You are at eight centimeters!"
"Wait, are you serious?" I asked with a great, big smile.
"Yes," she confirmed. "You're moving along quickly. She may be here within the next hour or so."
After that last sentence, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Not because half my body was numb from the epidural (which was actually starting to ware off) but because I felt like Dan and I were just moments away from seeing our daughter face to face.
At this point I told my nurse that my epidural was starting to fade, so since I was getting close to being able to deliver Ava, the nurse ordered an anesthesiologist to come up and give me another dose of the juice to keep me numb.
While I was waiting for the anesthesiologist to come up, the pain of my contractions was quickly coming back. Once again I felt the sharp, intense pain, very similar to the worst menstrual cramps I have ever had. I started doing my deep breathing and resisting the urge to tense up.
Almost at the same time, the anesthesiologist came to insert some more medicine into my epidural and my nurse also came to use a catheter to relieve me in another way -- and wow, apparently I really needed both.
Once everything was done and taken care of, our parents came back in the room. We were chit chatting when we noticed Ava's heart rate was dramatically changing.
78... 150... 123... 89... 157... 109... 140... 94... 138...
"What is going on?" we all seem to be asking.
Surely if there is a problem someone will notice and come in. We waited and no one came, so Dan went and got our nurse. She came in a calmly approached the monitor as it jumped up and down -- she wasn't concerned at all.
"Do you feel the urge to push?" she asked as she turned to face me.
A confused look consumed my face as I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I don't know. I can't really feel anything."
"Your baby might be working her way down on her own," she continued with a smile.
Already? It felt like the last few hours flew by and my progress was charging ahead, full speed.
"I hate to say this," the nurse spoke as she faced our parents, "but you're going to have to step out again."
If you're a guest when a loved one is in labor, be ready to step in and out of the hospital room
a lot. I'm sure it feels like an endless game of the hokey pokey.
Once the parental units were in the hallway, my nurse checked my progress. Sure enough, I was officially at ten centimeters and Ava was on her way.
"Do you feel like you're ready to push?" the nurse asked me.
"Sure!" I beamed with joy. Are you kidding? I was more then ready to meet my daughter.
Dan went out and surprised our parents with the news that I was about to start pushing. Uncertain how long it would take, the four parents made their way to the nearest waiting room.
It was about 10:45 a.m. when I started pushing. I was amazed at how relaxed the whole situation was. My nurse casually sat on my bed, checking on Ava from time to time as we all watched the monitor for contractions. When I had a contraction I held my breath while my nurse counted to ten and I
pushed.
Having an epidural is a beautiful thing, however, when it's time to push you're really not sure what you're doing -- at least I wasn't. I would hear phrases like, "Good job, just like that!" and "Do it just like last time, last time was better..." but they really didn't mean much. I felt like I was doing the same thing every time. Apparently not.
Just after 11:00 a.m. my doctor showed up with a big smile on her face.
"Well, you certainly surprised me," she announced as she got prepped to deliver Ava. Apparently she was expecting me to deliver on Wednesday, which is why she had me come in Monday evening. Needless to say, I was very happy to be delivering Ava sooner rather then later.
At this point they raised the bed so I could be more level with my doctor as she stood in front of me. Again, they encouraged me through good and not-so-good pushes. I was quickly getting tired and my pushes were getting weaker. I felt like I had no time to rest between contractions -- which were coming almost every minute.
At one point they put an oxygen mask on my face. Not so much for me, it was more for Ava. Between contractions I tried my best to rest and relax. I closed my eyes and took in deep breaths with the oxygen mask pressed again my face. I could feel contractions building in my upper abs. They felt like my upper abs were getting tight. It was then that I figured out a way to produce better pushes -- I'd focus on flexing my upper abs.
While my new plan for pushing was proving to be a good idea, I was still getting very tired from pushing. My contractions were so close together that I wasn't resting long enough to produce a really good push.
At one point I laid down between contractions to rest and as I closed my eyes I could feel a contraction building up. Already?! No one instructed me to push, so I didn't sit up. I laid there and enjoyed my "long" break. It was then that I felt like I could fall asleep. Yes, I was ready to take a nap. I was so tired and I couldn't really feel my contractions so, if I wanted to, I could've fallen asleep for sure.
"Okay, get ready to push..." I'd hear someone call out and I'd sit up, hold my breath, and hug my knees. When it was time to push I had Dan and my nurse help me pull my knees back to my chest as I stuck my chin forward and pushed. Sometimes I'd push up to three times, per contraction -- my first push would always be my best.
Things were going smoothly and Ava was making progress. However, I still had to be snipped. I playfully groaned in disappointment when my doctor announced that she would have to snip me. Again, my epidural came to my rescue because I felt absolutely nothing.
As time continued to pass and Ava was still not with us, I kept asking, "Is she okay?" I didn't want Ava to be stuck on the way out for too long. I was assured that Ava was okay, but I needed to
really push these next couple of contractions so I could be done.
Another contraction was building up. Here we go again. I got into position and took a deep breath and held it.
1, 2...
"Come on, Karolyn!"
3, 4...
"You're doing great! Just like that!"
5, 6...
"Keep pushing! Keep pushing!"
7, 8...
"She's almost here!"
9, 10...
"Stop! Stop pushing!"
I quickly stopped and watched as Ava fell into my doctor's arms as a blue and purple balled up doll. My doctor immediately started cleaning her out and Ava's tiny cry came shortly after. Relief washed over me and the sound of her beautiful cry filled me with so much joy.
"What's her name?" my doctor asked as she continued to care for our daughter.
"Ava," I finally managed to choke out as tears filled my eyes. "Ava LeeAnne."
Dan hugged and kissed me. "She's here," he said with tears in his eyes as well. "You did it."
Ava wailed as they weighed and measured her. Then, as they continued to prep her, Dan went and stood by her side. As Ava cried, Dan gently spoke her name.
"It's okay, Ava. You're okay," he said in a soft, soothing tone.
Immediately, Ava ceased her crying as she recognized the familiar sound of her father's voice. It was, by far, one of the most precious moments I had ever experienced.
Once Ava was all bundled up, a nurse came and placed her in my arms. I smiled from ear to ear as this precious baby looked up at me. I was in total awe of how perfect she was. Here she was, a miracle wrapped within a miracle. After countless prayers and tears, she was here. She was looking up at me and I was admiring just how perfect she is.
Once I was all stitched and cleaned up and our room was in order, our parents were welcomed back into the room. When Dan went to go get them they were standing outside our door eagerly awaiting some news.
Unfortunately, Dan's father had to leave to catch his flight. He missed Ava by about 30 minutes. What a bummer! Still, the remaining grandparents were very pleased to meet our little bundle of joy. It was very magical to watch their expressions as they first laid eyes on Ava.
Sure I wish Ava could've come easier and much sooner (when I first felt ready to be a mom) but in that moment when she finally arrived, everything felt perfect. Who am I to argue with God's timing? I may never understand why I had to wait so long for my first baby to arrive, but I cannot deny how perfect things felt when she got here.
Praying for Ava took a huge leap of faith. Thinking back to the
beginning of our story, it was uncertain if we would ever be able to have a baby of our own. Medically speaking, the situation was completely out of our hands. Even our doctors seem to be playing a guessing game along with us. The only thing left to do was pray.
God knows the desires of my heart. He doesn't know some of them or even most of them... He knows
ALL the desires of my heart. He knows my fears, my strengths, and my weaknesses. He also knows how he can help me grown in faith.
I'm not a fan of tests and not too many people are. Truth is, tests are good. They help us grow and learn. Without tests we would never aspire to learn new things. Throughout life we test our knowledge, strength, and abilities. If we successfully pass a test we move on to bigger and better things. If we don't pass immediately we do what we can so we pass the next time we are tested.
Awaiting Ava's arrival was a true test of faith. While I felt broken and weak during my trials of infertility, I also felt myself get stronger. Looking back at previous blog posts regarding my infertility treatments, I can see how my faith has reached new levels of strength.
For years I thought that
losing my best friend of 10+ years would be my lowest point. I was only 17... of course I felt like my whole world was crashing down all around me. It was that experience, however, that really taught me how to see the BIG picture and how God can take our lowest moments to help us grow in our faith.
Life isn't easy, no matter who you are or what you do. However, I think how you get through life defines who you are and what you really care about. When life gets hard, I lean on Christ and count on the prayers of family and friends to get me through. Even if our day is uneventful and more on the dull side, Dan and I still pray every night and thank God for his blessings. It's those difficult days that open our eyes to the countless blessings we receive on a daily basis.
On Tuesday, December 17, 2013, at 11:25 a.m. I gave birth to a sweet, little baby girl. She was 6 pounds, 12 ounces and 19 inches long. She is an absolute answer to prayer! She is a blessing, more then she'll probably ever realize.
Today, despite a lack of free time and sleep, I still find so much joy in my daughter. As much as I look forward to showing her the world and teaching her new things, God is using her to teach me so much already. I find joy in holding her until she falls asleep... my ideal night is giving her a bath and watching her try to splash her tiny hands in the water... and feeling her tiny hand squeeze my finger reminds me that it's the small things that really make a huge impact.
Oh to be a child again! To have faith like a child... to believe anything is possible without question. Having Ava in my life has reopened my eyes to child-like faith -- the kind of faith Jesus has asked us to have (Matthew 18:2-4). She doesn't care how much money we have, how I dress, or what I drive. When I come home from work and she smiles because I'm home and I'm holding her, I am reminded that joy can be found in the simplest of pleasures.
While I can go on and on about how happy Ava makes me and Dan, I will close this post by sharing the following video as a way to welcome Ava into this world. Here is Kid President's Letter to a Person on Their First Day Here. I
love this video... and yes, I pretend like it was created just for Ava.
