Monday, May 28, 2013

This is not a story I want to share and this is certainly not a story that I want to remember. However, I promised that I would continue to share my pregnancy journey with each of you -- and a promise is a promise. Plus, I really feel like God's presence, as always, is evident and that is the most important reason to share this difficult story.

 

Now, before I get into details, I have two disclaimers for you... (1) This post is going to get a little graphic and might be disturbing for some readers, so please, proceed with caution and (2) There is a happy ending to this story. I hate to spoil the ending, but trust me, you'll be happy that I did.

 

On May 28th I kept waking up with the urge to use the bathroom. The urge wasn't intense, so I ignored it and tried to sleep. At about 4:30 in the morning I had woken up for the third time. A little disgruntled by my lack of consistent sleep, I finally got out of bed and made my way to our master bathroom. The only light I had was moonlight through the bathroom windows and a tiny nightlight. It was enough to see what no expecting mother wants to see. There was blood! Lots of blood!

 

My heart raced as I quickly flipped on the bathroom light. I looked without blinking, trying to figure out if what I was seeing was real. Sadly, it was real and in an instant I was wide awake.

 

Once I got cleaned up, I turned off the light and exited the bathroom. Carefully, I walked into our room and made my way to my side of the bed. I don't know why, but for a brief moment I actually hesitated to wake Dan. I think I was in denial that there was actually a problem. Naturally, I knew I had to tell him.

 

"Dan," I quietly and calmly called out. Dan started to stir. "I'm going to turn on the light."

 

I turned on the light on my side of the bed and then slowly kneeled on the bed. Dan rolled over and looked at me.

 

"What's wrong?" he quietly asked, squinting as he faced the light.

 

"I just went to the bathroom and, well, I saw blood."

 

Dan was wide awake.

 

Neither of us was sure what to do next. Do we call the doctor? Do we just go straight to the ER? Are we getting worked up over nothing? I decided to call my doctor's office (knowing it wouldn't be open) and Dan started doing some research online.

 

I spoke with a nice operator when I called my doctor's office. I was shaking as my voice trembled and tears filled my eyes. I tried to remain calm as I explained what I saw and she was sympathetic as she took down my information.

 

The operator said she would contact the on-call doctor and pass along my message. She said that the on-call doctor will be in touch with advise on how to proceed.

 

Once I got off the phone I started pacing the room. Dan and I were in disbelief that this was actually happening. Needless to say, we did a lot of praying from here on out.

 

A few minutes later, I looked at my phone and noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail. I had forgotten that my phone was in "do not disturb" mode (11:00 pm - 6:00 am), so that's how I missed the call. I quickly listened to the voicemail. The doctor said that if there was a lot of blood we should go to the emergency room. I had no doubt in my mind, there was a lot of blood. So we got dressed and made our was the the ER.

 

The ER was quiet, so we got taken care of right away. First, a nurse took my vitals. Everything was normal, except my blood pressure was a little high -- the nurse figured it was because I was nervous and she certainly understood why.

 

Next, Dan and I were taken to a private room in the ER where I changed into a hospital gown and got into bed. I had no idea what to expect next, but I was surprisingly calm -- calm enough to ask Dan to take a picture of me.

 

 

Not much time passed and I had a doctor and a nurse in my room, ready to examine me. The doctor and his nurse were very nice and caring. The especially sweet, female nurse held my hand as the doctor examined me. There was more blood making it's way out of my body. Dan came over and held my other hand as I winced in pain and discomfort.

 

During the examination, Dan suddenly became extremely pale. He said he felt lightheaded and the nurse told him to have a seat. Apparently Dan was quite upset watching the doctor clean out the blood and seeing me so uncomfortable, so much that it made him dizzy.

 

After the doctor left, the nurse asked me about what I saw in the bathroom.

 

"Was the blood dark red or bright red?" she calmly asked.

 

"Dark red for sure," I replied with confidence.

 

You never want to see blood when you're pregnant, but if it does happen, dark blood is what you want to see. Dark blood is old blood.

 

The nurse went on to tell me that she had some bleeding with her second or third baby and everything was fine. Her story was quite comforting for Dan and I.

 

At this point we had a feeling that this would be a long morning for us, so Dan got in contact with his boss and I got in contact with a co-worker (and friend) who would pass the message on to my boss.

 

Later, the doctor scheduled an ultrasound so they could get a look at the baby, but since I had nothing in my system the nurse inserted a catheter so they could fill my bladder with sterile water -- no fun, no fun at all.

 

When it was time for my ultrasound Dan had to stay back -- I really don't know why. I felt bad for him and (of course!) I really wanted him to be with me.

 

While still in bed, my nurse rolled me to one of the ultrasound rooms. There, the ultrasound tech (another nice lady), used the catheter to fill my bladder with sterile water. I watched as my belly expanded -- it felt so weird, but was also slightly amusing. Once my bladder was full she started examining everything in my belly.

 

The ultrasound tech let me peek at her monitor as she examined me. There were moments that I could tell what she was looking at, but most of the time I had no idea. It certainly didn't help that she moved really fast too.

 

When she got to the baby she slowed down. At this point I was 11+ weeks pregnant and this was my first view of our baby actually looking like a baby. As I carefully watched the screen, I saw the baby move.

 

"Did the baby just move?" I asked with a big smile.

 

"Yes, that's your baby moving," she smiled back.

 

I watched my little baby move and groove in my belly. It was a beautiful sight -- I could easily watch it all day!

 

Next, she checked the baby's heartbeat and it looked good. She wasn't able to tell me much, since the images she captured needed to be reviewed by the doctor, but she said that the baby had a good heartbeat. I felt so much relief.

 

When I was rolled back into my room, Dan quickly noticed me and I smiled at him.

 

"I saw the baby move," I proudly announced and Dan was very relieved.

 

Once the catheter was removed I was free to use the bathroom and change back into my normal clothes.

 

Next, we waited... and waited... and waited... and waited.

 

I pulled out my phone and checked my Bible app to read today's verse of the day.

 

I was amazed at what I saw! Surely God was speaking to me through his written word, there was/is no doubt in my mind. Call me strange, but as worried as I was, I always had this inner peace that the baby is okay and that everything was going to be okay. God was keeping both Dan and I strong and this verse served as a beautiful reminder to both of us.

As we continued to wait... and wait... and wait... and wait... a friendly nurse (who had just started her shift) came in and offered us some snacks. We had nothing in our system and were starting to get hungry. She also said that we were free to watch TV while we wait.

I'll spare you the drawn out wait that we experienced and just jump to the conclusion... a doctor confirmed that we still have a live birth. However, they did find a small blood clot in the gestational sac. The doctor strongly suggested that we schedule an appointment to meet with my doctor within the next day or so, but since we were leaving for Florida the next day he suggested that we see her later today. We scheduled an appointment immediately.

As they prepared to discharge me, I had to sign some paper work and a nurse explained that I was diagnosed with a "threatened miscarriage" -- NOT a friendly medical term in the slightest. Next, I was strongly advised to reduce stress, relax, drink lots of water, and not do any heavy lifting.

 

I called my boss during our drive home and gave her an update on my situation. I decided to stay home and rest. Dan went into work for a little bit, but he came home so he could join me for my doctor's appointment at 3:30 pm.

 

Our meeting with my doctor went beautifully. She did an excellent job of thoroughly explaining what I had experienced. Her calm and confident tone put our minds at ease and we no longer felt nervous about our baby's condition.

 

A "threatened miscarriage" is used whenever there is vaginal blood during a pregnancy. What most people don't know is that it is common. Again, the major difference is in the color. Dark red blood is the better of the two options, but still shouldn't be ignored. Bright red blood is fresh blood and should be examined immediately.

 

The small blood clot in the gestational sac is also believed to be more common than people know. However, many go undetected during pregnancy. I found out about our clot simply because of the dark blood episode -- which was unrelated. There is nothing they can do about a clot like this. Our best hope is that it takes care of itself -- and most will do just that.

 

When I reminded my doctor about our upcoming trip to Florida (and Disney World), she simply told us to have fun -- so long as I stay hydrated and don't do anything extreme. She also explained that I would probably get some more bleeding over the next couple of days (much like my period). As long as the blood doesn't come out bright red, along with unbearable cramping, I should be fine.

 

I don't know why God permitted such a scary experience. He of all people know how much we've longed for a baby. Truth is, I may never understand why Dan and I had to go through all that drama. As much as I try to understand God's plans, I can't. No one can. Like I've said before, God sees the big picture, we don't.

 

The best answer I can come up with is God wanted to get a clear message to me to take it easy. I have four jobs, lots of gigs that I volunteer for, and I'm a social butterfly. Other than feeling icky and tired, my pregnancy hasn't been super obvious and at times I would even forget that I'm pregnant. Maybe God wanted to remind me of the blessing He has given me and that I need to take better care of myself?

 

Since May 28th I have done more to stay relaxed and hydrated. I eat better and I spend more time watching TV, movies, and basically being a bum. I'm taking a step back from some of my work and the gigs that I volunteer for. Old habits certainly die hard, but I trust that I'm making the right decisions because I feel nothing but peace when I pray about the areas of my life that I am changing.

 

Trials make us stronger and help us focus on the areas that we need to improve. Who can deny that? Athletes are a great example! They purposely challenge themselves so they can get stronger, faster, etc. We give standing ovations to the athletes who get injured on a race course but hobble their way past the finish line. Why? Because they don't give up. They don't blame someone else because they stepped wrong and twisted their ankle.

 

Life is filled with trials and challenges. Life won't get easy if we place the blame on God (or anyone else for that matter) every time things don't go according to our plan. Many people want to be blessed by God, but they don't want God to be part of their lives.

 

I may not understand why God permitted the events of May 28th, but I know that he was with me and Dan every step of the way, opening our eyes to see his blessings from a whole new perspective.