While I understand that infertility can certainly be heartbreaking, difficult to bear, and quite embarrassing, I want to encourage those of you who are struggling with this journey to share your story with others and build a support team. Seek family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers who can encourage you and, most importantly, pray for you.
From the very beginning, I wanted to keep my infertility private. It wanted it to be an experience that Dan and I would simply share as husband and wife. Naturally, we kept God in the loop by praying to him daily, but that was as far as I wanted it to go. I was too embarrassed to admit that my body couldn't do the one thing a woman is expected to do: bear children. Then, when fertility treatments became a reality, I was afraid to tell others because I didn't know if they would work. For some reason I felt like I would be letting others down if I had to share such difficult news.
Fear is what held me back from sharing my story. Think of all the times you've passed on an opportunity because you were afraid. Afraid of being embarrassed? Afraid of being wrong? Afraid of being teased? I know I've missed out on countless opportunities because I was afraid.
I never liked being dunked under water, but I've always enjoyed swimming and playing in the water. Then, when I was 16, I had a (very!) scary situation in an over-crowded wave pool and from that moment I developed a intense fear of water activities. Tubing, skiing, knee boarding, and water slides make me nervous. While I usually have to give myself a pep talk before trying out any water activity, I've attempted just about every water sport (including barefoot skiing) and I've even gone down those straight-down water slides. As time goes by my fear of water activities lessens and the urge to attempt such activities becomes more and more natural.
Here are some photos from a past knee boarding experience...
Look at my facial expression in each of the above photos. Do I look scared? No... and that's because I'm not. I'm having fun! Sure I was scared before I decided to attempt knee boarding. My heart was racing as I strapped on the safety vest and climbed out of the boat. Then, as the boat slowly started to move away, leaving me behind, I begin to wonder, "What have I gotten myself into?!" My fear goes into high gear and I have a choice to make: (1) Call out to the boat driver that I've changed my mind and to pull me back into the boat or (2) Face my fears and confidently call out "Hit it!"
Okay... "HIT IT!!"
Now, what you don't see in the photos is a group of friends in the speedboat cheering me on. If you've ever been pulled by a speedboat, you know that it is very difficult to verbally communicate with those who are in the boat -- the motor is just too loud. That is why there are hand signals usded to communicate slower, faster, and stop. Still, despite the noisy speedboad, I could clearly see and hear my friends cheering me on as I made my way around the lake. Then, as my confidence grew, I even started doing tricks. I would zip from side to side, hopping over the wake that was created by the boat, and I would spin around and do a 360 -- all without wiping out.
Another scary water activity for me? White water rafting. Still, that didn't stop me from going rafting in Wisconsin and Alaska... and I've had fun every time.
What else scares me? Sharks! Ever since I saw Jaws I haven't been able to look as large bodies of water the same. Still, I've played in the ocean and I've even gone body surfing.
Okay, one more... sometimes I'm scared of heights. Still, I've gone rock climbing and sky diving.
My point is this... (1) I could've missed out a lot of great memories if I let my fears consume me and (2) Having a support team can make all the difference. Knee boarding, rafting, body surfing, rock climbing, and sky diving... these are all activities I've done with supportive friends. Encouragement from others can give us the confidence to take a leap of faith and trust that everything is going to be okay.
When Dan and I were in the Bahamas on our honeymoon, we went to Aquaventure, Atlantis Paradise Island’s water park. While I had been facing my fears all day by riding various water slides, I found myself at the top of, yet another, straight-down slide. To make matters worse, this slide even goes through a shark tank. Gulp.
Time out!
Think it's crazy for me to be scared of this slide because the sharks are in a tank and there is glass between us? Well, one time a shark actually jumped out of the tank and onto the slide. Thankfully no one was riding the slide when it happened, but still, it happened. Watch the story HERE. Oh, and by the way, this happened after I was there.
Time in!
Originally, I told Dan to let me go first, so he could watch me and make sure I went down okay. Unfortunatly, fear consumed me and I begged Dan to just go without me. He hesitated and encouraged me to give it a shot, but once he noticed that I was serious he went ahead and went down the slide. I felt embaressed and silly for getting so scared. Then, just as I hopped out of line, I jumped back in -- allowing several folks to go ahead of me so I could give myself a pep talk.
"You'll be okay, sweetie!" an older lady in line called out to me. "It's not that bad. You can do it."
Then, a group of young adult guys, who were standing in front of me, turned around and also started encouraging me.
"You'll like it!"
"Give it a try. It's fun!"
"Don't worry, it's not as scary as it looks."
I looked back at the first lady who called out to me.
"I've done stuff like this before, I'm just a little nervous," I called out.
"You'll be fine," she smiled and I smiled back.
I felt my confidence slowly return. Then, an employee made his way towards me.
"The way I see it, you have two choices," he said in a rather serious tone, "either you go down on your own or I push you down." He smiled and I laughed. Clearly he was teasing me and it seem to help.
One by one, I watched as the young adults ahead of me cheered and hollered as they practically threw themselves down the two seperate slides. Some even attempted to race down the slide. Clearly they were not afraid.
My turn had come and I stepped up to the slide, slowly laid down, and crossed my arms over my chest. I wiggled my way forward and squeezed my eyes shut as I felt my body suddenly fall down the slide. I sped down the slide, through the shark tank, and splashed into a giant pool. When I emerged from the water I heard a loud and great cheer roar in my ears. As I wiped the water away from my eyes, I saw that it was the young adults!
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" one guy called out.
I smiled as I proudly announced, "That was fun!"
Next, I went to look for Dan. Apparently he waited for me at the bottom of the slide, but when several minutes had passed he thought he'd better go back in line and look for me. Then, he saw me come down. I was so excited to tell him I went down and, naturally, he was also proud of me for facing my fears.
Encouragement doesn't have to come from people you know, personally. This is just one example of how perfect strangers can also become a support group -- even if it's just for a moment.
Bottom line, don't be afraid to share your story with loved ones -- no matter what you're struggling with. Having a support team can make all the difference!
We all have personal struggles and we all have fears. These private battles can make us feel scared and alone. The truth is, you are never alone. God is everywhere and he wants to be there for you. He wants to show you love, compassion, and he wants to comfort you during your difficult journey. I'm sure God has already blessed you with countless family and friends who are ready and willing to encourage you and support you. Reach out to them and ask them to pray for you.
Consider this...
Think about what you're struggling with. Right now it might be a secret. Maybe your spouse or your best friend knows what you're dealing with, but for the most part it's a secret. If things don't work out or they take a lot longer than you expected, won't it feel good to have family and friends to turn to when you grieve? Having arms to hold you, a shoulder to cry on, and ears to listen to your story can help heal a broken heart and a crushed spirit.
Even if you're not ready to share your story with family and friends, consider joining a support group. Many of you who have reached out to me have done so because you know I'll understand. While I certainly welcome (and encourage!) each of you to continue to share your stories with me, I would also like to encourage you to find additional support. You may not want to share your story with family or friends out of fear that they will not understand; I get that. So if anything, please consider finding a group who has members with stories that you can relate to.
Still, even if you decide to continue to keep your story to yourself, you're not alone. God is here and he wants to give you the support that you need. Prayer is powerful and I can't express how much prayer has been my greatest support during my infertility journey. If anything, prayer has given me strength to face a new day with confidence. As my prayer warriors grew in numbers, my confidence grew as well.
It's easy to Google scripture that addresses specific needs: fear, anxiety, stress, etc. I'd like to encourage you to look up verses that will speak about your specific needs. You'll be amazed at how comforting reading scripture can be.
Music is another helpful aid. When I'm struggling I listen to songs that speak to my heart. Very often they're songs that are inspired by scrpiture, God's written word.
Allow me to get the ball rolling. When you're done reading this post, please look up the following Bible verses:
Matthew 6:25-27
Matthew 6:34
Matthew 11:28-30
Luke 12:25
John 14:27
Phillipians 4:6-7
1 Peter 5:7
2 Thessalonians 3:16
Hebrews 13:6
Of course there are many more Bible verses worth reading, but this is just a sample to get your feet wet. Search scripture for the verses that really speak to your heart. When you find your favorites, write them down or type them up on the computer. Next, put them up in places where you will see them daily. Let them remind you that you're not alone -- God is with you.
Next, try listening to "You're Not Alone" by Meredith Andrews (I've gone ahead and posted it below). Hopefully the beautiful lyrics will be a source of comfort.
Tears are part of the healing process and certainly part of any difficult journey, so don't be afraid to cry it out. Just don't believe that you have to do it alone. Seek God first, in all that you do, and when/if you're ready try reaching out to family, friends, or even a support group. Let others encourage and support you. You'd do the same for them, wouldn't you?
One final thought. Did you know that my mom was the one who strongly encouraged me to share my infertility story? She believes in the power of prayer and the fact that you can never have too many people praying for one person/situation. If it wasn't for her encouragement, I don't know where I would be today.
Since my first blog post about my infertility, I have received so many text messages, phone calls, emails, and Facebook messages from men and women thanking me for sharing my inspiritational story. I've even had friends ask for permission to share my blog with their friends -- which is totally okay by the way. Truth is, this story belongs to God. It is a testimony of hope, faith, and how nothing is impossible with God. I just needed the encouragement to face my fears and to share my story.
Do not be afraid, my friends. You are not alone.
