January 30th never comes easy. There is always heartache and a lot of questions racing through my mind. What went wrong? Why was there snow on the ground so Jessie could go snowmobiling? Why did Jessie have to go snowmobiling that night? Why didn't she properly secure her helmet? Why did she hit that tree? Why? Why? WHY?!
I was 17 years old and I felt like my life was pulled out from underneath me. My heart was shattered and I felt empty and alone. Nothing made sense anymore. I could always count on God to do the "right" thing... but how was taking Jessie the right thing to do? I needed her! He knew that. So why did He take her from me?
While my life has forever changed since the day Jessie left earth to be with our Lord and Savior, I feel blessed to still have her family as such an important part of my life. Each year many of us gather at her mother's house to celebrate Jessie's life. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else on January 30th.
I don't always understand God's plan, but I can tell you this much... my relationship with Him has never been better! With His blessing, He has given me a testimony that has provided comfort to others who grieving the loss of loved ones. As a camp counselor, my testimony has led dozens of my campers to Christ. Then there is the Something from Jessie Memorial Scholarship, which has given Chicago inner city students an opportunity to attend the same camp Jessie and I attended as children - which also gives them the opportunity to hear the gospel and accept Christ as their Lord and Savior.
While I still miss my BFF, I know that with each passing day we are apart, that bring us one day closer to being reunited in heaven. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior! He has given me strength each and every day since Jessie died and I couldn't imagine my life without Him.
If you haven't already, now is the perfect time to turn your life over to God and accept Christ as your Lord as Savior! While God makes no promise that our lives will be easy, He certainly brings a lot of joy and hope in our darkest, most uncertain moments. I promise... it will be the best decision you will ever make.
12 years later... God is still using Jessie for His glory and I will continue to do the same.
UPDATE:Later that evening Dan surprised me by bringing home some flowers. He had stargazer lilies for me and green daisies (?) for Jessie. I was in total awe!
We left the house shortly after Dan got home in attempt to stop by Pleasant Hill Cemetery to visit Jessie. Unfortunately the sun had set and the gates were closed. I'll admit, a few tears escaped my eyes as we sat in our car starring at the locked gates."Do you want to stay and just sit here for a while," Dan asked as he displayed a disappointed puppy lip. He felt bad that we didn't make it in time.
We sat silently as I kept starring at the gates, trying to accept the fact that they were really closed and locked for the night.
I brushed away a few lingering tears and told Dan I was ready to leave.
We had some time before we were due at Melanie's house, so we went to Home Depot and Target. We had nothing to get, but Dan did treat me to 10 Things I Hate About You on Blu-ray - it was on sale.
Later that evening we got to Melanie's house and were joined by my parents and our friends, Michele and Jeremy. Together we ate pizza, spaghetti casserole (?), gingerbread cookies (of course!), fruit salad, as well as some amazing chip and dip! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else on January 30th.
The next day, Tuesday, January 31st, I used my break to go back to Pleasant Hill to drop off Dan's flowers for Jessie and to pay her a visit. The ground was very soggy from all the melted snow and it was super windy, but I still managed to spend some quality time visiting Jessie.
12 years is a long time... but it's amazing how it can still feel like it happened yesterday.
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